A Buzzing Thing In Mind

Now, as a 24 years old woman, I got a lot of questions about marriage. "When are you getting married?" "Do you already have a catch?" and all kind of similar questions. Well actually, I’ve been thinking about it too, in my younger years I thought that I would be married at 25 or 26.
I also have had time detailing what things I should have on my wedding, the dominant color in the aisle, attire for my bridesmaids, for my family, the souvenirs that I will give to the guests, and other stuffs related to the wedding. But the fact speaks now, at this very time I couldn’t even imagine what would happen if I get married. Instead of that, I can’t even imagine with whom will I be marry. I’ve discussed this with one of my close friend, Acha, “Have you ever imagine yourself getting married?” she giggled. Then she said, “I am afraid married is not for me”, “Or, if I ever get married, I think I’ll be married in late 20s or early 30.”. I guess we have the same opinion.

Frankly, I’ve always had severe trust issue for the last few years. I think it’s because a continuous and prolonged disappointments I experienced made this trust issues rooted in me. So it is very hard for me to trust someone these days. Therefore, I made a kind of invisible shield around me in order to be protected from dissapointments. Well I don’t want to do this for sure, however, if that thing at least could make me feel more “secure”, why not? What kind of dissapointments I suffered? Why do I sound like an old woman who had lived for decades and have experienced a lot of bitterness, dissapointments, betrayal, broken promises, etc..